Starkey Style

Fourth of July Weekend…

2011-07-05T21:48:00.001-05:00

Fourth of July

VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

We had a great weekend…Cana officially is my little Water Bug…(she even took to responding to this name by Monday). She would have stayed outside and in the water at all times had we had any energy left to keep up with her. No w I am sitting here typing this just to say that I blogged about the holiday weekend – ha. I have no energy or brainpower to write anything of any depth.

Hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July and holiday weekend!

Big Girl in the House

2011-06-15T21:58:00.000-05:00

I know - i know I am not doing such a splendid job of keeping up with this blog, but I really do think about it all the time. I am just trying to keep up with real life as it is FLYING by! My little baby girl is growing up so fast and I spent last week being potty boot camp momma and stayed home with Cana all week. Can I just say I was more scared of this step than any other step we have taken with her...I had no idea what I was doing or how to do it, but I have this amazing little girl that after two accidents has done perfectly since. She loves to "celebrate" so after every pee or poop she got the whole family doing the potty dance in celebration and got a skittle. She LOVED it...I cried every time I watched her from behind walk off in her little panty covered butt.
Now this week has been so hard as I had to go back to work...I so loved being home last week. I love being around Cana doing anything...and I love taking advantage of nap time and painting...I love planning and making dinner...having time to have playdates...all of it was so much fun.
I did get a few more pieces done during naptimes and after bedtime - here are some pics and they will soon be available on Etsy.


I can't get it to turn around...ugh...

I have a few more pieces ready to start or to finish, but they aren't ready for photographs...

Jerod and I are headed to LA on Friday - yea...a few days away just us to sleep in, eat and lay around on the beach!!!! I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of those weeks...

2011-05-26T15:45:00.000-05:00

We have all been sick at least once here in the Starkey household, some of us twice (with different things) in less than five days. I am really ready to wake up to a new week.

A Pink Party

2011-05-24T16:46:00.000-05:00

I am incredibly behind and have so many posts to write, but I am going to start with the greatness of this weekend and Cana's birthday. I can't believe I have a two year old...
Cana is the pride and joy of my life. She loves trash trucks, buses, and trains, but proves her girliness with pink everything, bracelets, love for mani/pedis and hair products, and always finding my heels to wear around the house. She likes to go fast and high in swings but is as gentle as can be when someone is sad - she sits down next to you and pats your back til you smile. She gets caught doing something wrong and instantly cocks her to the side, smiles, and says "hi". Cana loves to read and loves her cow! She refuses to eat meat, but loves her blueberries and marshmallows. Cana is talking all the time and about all things. 97% of the time she loves her big girl bed and sleeping in it. Her favorite jam is still California Girls but her music palatte is expanding as she will break out in song on her own with songs like Chris Tomlin's "Spirit Fall", Mammaw's version of God Made Me, and her own rendition of If You're Happy and You Know It. There is nothing sweeter or cuter than her singing. That will be a post in itself later on...

About a month ago we started working on her saying she was two and asking her what kind of party she wanted. From the very beginning she answered with "Pink Party" so we had a pink party...We invited family and a few of Cana's little friends over to swing, swim and eat. Jerod made her dreams come true by putting up a swing in the backyard for her so now she can swing her heart out anytime.

It was a great day...with clothes, without clothes, with all things pink and many wonderful friends and family around!!!! I am so proud of my sweet Cana and I love nothing more than being her mommy!

Trip with Evie - We're off to the Auction See what I won

2011-04-28T15:07:00.002-05:00

I am going to my first auction tonight- like real auction. Evie heard on HGTV that cities often have these kinds of acutions if they have a design district, which Dallas does and lo and behold she found it here. I have been reviewing rules online all day and I am giddy nervous. They say you can't bid without meaning to, but there is a part of me that can see me "accidently" needing a Uhaul to get home. These pieces are incredible...and they at least start REALLY cheap. I am looking for a mid century modern sideboard to use in our front living room as a tv console, but there are a few other little items like a couch, dresser, and stool I want too. Look at this stuff...and it starts at $50. ( I half expect to get there and find out it is all like doll house size ... have you ever done that before - be honest - looked at Etsy and found the cutest little piece of furniture, only to find out once you look closer at the typed dimensions it's the size of your palm. )

I so wish I could be a shopper for people...I would love to go do this all the time for people who don't have the time or the desire to sit through stuff like this.
I will be reporting back tomorrow...

Here's what actually walked away with...LOL - a lot more than I thought and none that I was expecting - SO much fun though. I want to do this for a living more than anything.

Too many options...

2011-04-19T15:21:00.000-05:00

Now that the market is over my brain is completely on overload about what to do next. I have several pieces of furniture to work on - a plant stand, another set of nightstands, a chair and cushion - all of which would be to sell, but I think for a little bit I need to turn inside our house and pick something that we have to stare at all the time to work on. So now that limits the list to...
1) Painting my office and finish decorating the room... I want a work table like this...

and shelves like this...

2) Painting the downstairs guest bathroom - no true vision yet...I just don't like it the way it is.

3) Painting the utility room/pantry
I didn't know the scope of possibilities for a pantry or laundry room until I ran across these...
{show & tell}
Her amazing laundry room...I am so inspired by this to design a laundry room with color and flare for us so that we might enjoy being in there more...haha - but it would take a great pic.

{House of Smith's}

Gasp...can you imagine your pantry looking like this ...

I LOVE it....I know I couldn't keep it that clean, but again it would take a great pic and I would make it look like this atleast everytime we had a party ....

4) Stenciling the atrium hallway

I love the current color of the hall it's just boring. There is so much natural light there because of the french doors - it has potential of being the "prettiest" spot in our house...so maybe something like this...

(Wall Stencils from Royal Design Studio)

5) Repainting the living room or the master bath (the LR I have confessed already to Jerod I want to repaint, our bathroom not so much - surprise honey!!! )

I am loving this bedroom by Dana Miller who writes House*Tweaking...see how the bathroom doesn't scream at you and I feel like ours does.

The grays and yellow...our bedroom is already gray but I love the contrast of the light gray with it and a splash of color...ours is gray with a red bathroom and the bathroom comes across more bold than the bedroom. I also love the idea of the fabric closet door b/c in our little master bedroom there are four doors and three of them are all in a row and open into the other one's doorway - it drives me CRAZY...

6) Build outdoor table - I am withholding this picture because it is so much in my mind and a combo of so many pictures...

7) Spray paint outdoor chairs

Chairs that look like this...(except worse b/c they are hunter green)

Could be so much better in this color....right!?!?!?

Krylon Rich Plum...

8) Finishing the desk and wall dividers for Jerod's studio - embarrassed and so sorry honey that it's not done yet...I got way way way sidetracked.

9) Cana's quilt - well again I got sidetracked...the squares are all cut, I just need to sew them together and then take to the quilter ladies house to quilt it on her fancy machine for several hours...

10) Painting the antique dresser for Cana's room - it's going white...We just have to haul it downstairs and into the garage - ugghhhh...

11) Learn how to use my new Silhoutte machine and make some fun stuff - self explanatory and fyi I got it for christmas and i keep putting off the tutorial - not for lack of wanting to use it - just lack of attention span.

12) Line the back of the built ins in the dining area with a patterned fabric - the living room/dining room need some work... - some color, some pop...it's too traditional and bland with too many mid to dark colors.

The possibilities are completely endless....
Since I haven't picked or been focused on a project the last few days I truly feel blah...I am sick.

Well unitl I can decide - I need to stick to focusing on getting our eggs painted with Cana...she is going to love it!!!!

What projects do you want to get done in your house? Maybe I should just come help you...

Cuteness that is almost 2 (and we won't mentioin HIS age...)

2011-04-18T21:46:00.000-05:00

This is the cuteness I get to live with all the time and LOVE it...she is growing up so fast.

I realized today I have to get with the game and start planning birthday #2. I am thinking zoo or something involving lots of water...

I could do this all the time...

2011-04-16T21:42:00.000-05:00

So today was not what many would call "successful", I sold one table completely and another I am keeping my fingers crossed the lady will call tomorrow like she said (She had to go home and measure first...I know probably naive, but I am believing for one more sale this weekend...) BUT I can't wait to do it again!! I can't explain how fun it was to set up an 8 by 10 space and have it look like an image that has been in my head for nights as I fall asleep. I got to feel like myself and do what I love and enjoy it regardless...
Girls...I am telling you - find something you like to do and give it a good ole try because it is worth it.
Here are a few pictures of the day and as sad as it was for me to have to bring so much back home with me, I was kind of glad because I already have pieces for the next show I decide to do and between now and then I can work on some personal projects - like some room painting, a little pantry and laundry room makeover, outside work, - who knows the options are endless...

Open

2011-04-15T18:18:00.000-05:00

My Etsy store is open - StarkeyStyle. There is a link on the right side of my blog. I have put a few pieces in the store and then will add more after the Deep Ellum Market tomorrow. ( Well let's hope maybe I can't because then that would mean everything sold...haha - a girl can dream)

Would love to see you tomorrow if you are in Dallas...I will be under the tent behind Cafe Brazil.

Sorry this is short and impersonal, but I am so tired, my throat hurts and I still have work to do, but I wanted to give an update...Hope you all have a great weekend.

Shout Outs and Count Down

2011-04-12T07:55:00.000-05:00

For starters - Happy Birthday to a great brother...Little Brother ... enjoy this last one in your 20's. Have a great day celebrating you with that beautiful family of yours! We love you.

And most importantly "a million hugs and kisses, thank yous and you are so incredibly sweet" to my dear hubby who is selflessly doing something in honor of my favorite activity - MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers). My MOPS group is hosting a fundraisor tonight at Greenville's Rusty Taco where 20% of all proceeds between 5 and 8 will be given to our MOPS group. Jerod has very generously agreed to do something I know is not is favorite thing to do - he is going to provide music for the event. It's always a little awkward to sit in a corner, of a non stage friendly restaurant, and play the keyboard and sing - having people kind of listen and kind of not. Baby - know that I will hear every song but more than the words you sing I will hear what you are doing for me and I love you dearly for it!!!! I know you will rock out the impossible.

Finally, agghhhhh I have my first booth in five days...there is so much to do to finish the last final details of each piece, to decide on staging, pricing and all that kind of stuff. I am SO SO excited!!!!!! If you can come please do - I would love to see you there. Here is the flyer and one sneak preview of a piece that will be there...


Deep Ellum Outdoor Market

Sneak Peak for Outdoor Market

Crazy Ideas: Before sleep...

2011-04-06T15:54:00.000-05:00

This is how crazy I am ... the other night I couldn't go to sleep. Those of you who know me personally or have ever lived with me, you know this is NEVER a problem for me...I can fall asleep sitting up in the middle of a conversation if I am tired. But this particular night I couldn't turn off the imagination and my thoughts started thinking about Home Depot. I know weird...but what can I say I love the store, the smell and anything I come home with from there. As I was thinking about it - I wondered how many other women love the store too, and I started to realize out of my circle I knew a lot of women that love it. And let's be real - even if you are sending your man to do the shopping there aren't you as the women somewhere involved in what you expect the outcome to look like of whatever the project may be. So what if...they decorated a Home Depot for women. One of my favorite looks is an industiral chic look...concrete and chandeliers for example...wood and shiny metal...brocade patterns and something rustic...so I am thinking... pretty up the aisle signs, add chandeliers to the raftors, add some complimentary purple to the orange, score the concrete, add mirrors to aisle ends along with clearance ends (like at target - a woman loves a clearance item), and move paint, lighting and flooring to the front of the store and put the machines, tools, etc. in the back for eye appeal, I am not kidding the list goes on and on...
So if anyone knows any Home Depot executives - let them know there is a crazy girl in Dallas ready to decorate for them if they want to work on targeting their woman audience.

It's a Cloud 9 Day

2011-03-31T14:47:00.000-05:00

I am on cloud 9 today...so many great things are happening and I just can't really believe I have gotten this far:

This morning I interviewed and it was confirmed that I will have a booth at the Deep Ellum Outdoor Market on April 16th!!! Here is the link and if you are around Dallas - PLEASE COME.

I also just created my ETSY shop - there's nothing in it yet to buy, but I can't download those pictures here at work...so I have to finish that process when I get home and over the weekend.

I have a ton of work to do in the next 16 days to be ready...but I welcome it all - I am so excited, happy and thankful.

Back Yard Dreams

2011-03-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

I do have to report that garage sales rock!!! Cana and I were driving home from MOPS this morning and I passed a sign, then I thought about it and told myself I had to turn around - it is these moments that will keep me busy in the future...
Glad I did - this chair was tagged at $15 and I asked her if she would take $5 and I walked away with a new chair getting my way. I have ideas for it...

Tomorrow will be at least partially committed to getting the backyard ready for the next phase - grass - which is coming next weekend. This is the not fun step - leveling, digging, cleaning, etc., so I decided to dream rather than just dread the hard work...

Oh how I would love to decorate the finish product with any of the following West Elm back yards...

This one for the beach, the lanterns, and the straight clean lines of it.

This one because it feels so homey and inviting!


This one because - "hello orange candelabra."

Hated Spots

2011-03-23T14:24:00.001-05:00

In our den - other living room - the back one - by the kitchen - I don't know what the technical word is for this space. What do you call that space attached to your kitchen that is a room with couch and a tv? It's been a debated topic in our home since we bought it. Anyways, in that room, there is a spot I hate. The builder had some logic behind (well I assume he did) putting the cable plug and the electrical outlets right in the middle of the wall. I am sure it has something to do with hanging your tv, but if you go to that much design trouble (or laziness - I really dont know which it was in this case) why wouldn't you put something below where you could run your wires out and/or be able to plug things in that don't hang on the wall.
So not being able to ever buy a TV large enough to sit on the console and cover the plugs - I have stared and loathed that spot - until now.

I was sitting at work one day, much as I am right now thinking and reading through other blogs. I saw a coffee table on one that had been redone, which made my mind drift to the coffee table I had to recently put in the garage because she just no longer had a place to sit in our house. I was sad about her demotion but really truly no room. I then started thinking ... what can I do with her - who needs her - etc. Then it hit me - I immediately texted Jerod and said "I have a brilliant idea - we don't have to get rid of the coffee table." IT was such a good idea I even told him I couldn't text it - it had to be in person. I know - dramatic and silly, but sometimes I really don't want the greatness of an idea, the tone of a comment, or the beauty of a wall to be lost in a cell phone - in my sometimes crazy mind I think it will be received the way I want/expect it to be received if I just wait for the conversation or the real camera.

So let me show you the idea of getting rid of Hated Spot #1 and using the coffee table...

First of all - meet the coffee table that served us so well. We first got her in our uptown apartment because we didn't have room for a dining table in that place so my mother in law made this for us out of an old church door. So cool - right?

Here you can see the leg and overall shape

Here you can see the top of it (and yes Harrison almost always comes for a picture).

It was big enough for us to eat at, work at, and it was durable. It went with us to House #1, then to Jerod's studio away from home, then to House #2, then to studio #2 and it is (was) still in great condition for a coffee table.

Here is the HATED SPOT...We didn't have any choice but to plug the cable in up there, but we were using the plugs on the side to plug everything else in so they weren't hanging from the center of the wall.

I hung that huge loud picture on the side to try and draw attention over. haha...I tried.

And NOW....

There she hangs...in all her bronze and black silk glaze finish...

I sawed the legs, painted her and then Jerod worked his magic and did a perfect job of hanging her (straight I may add)!!!!!!

I am so happy with this cover up and I am falling in love with gold tones and bronzes. So now that I like the furniture in the room, the tv wall, and it feels more complete - I got inspired yesterday to start working on the big blank wall next to this wall and really want to fill it with some sort of wall art bigger than what is there. That project will come later this week...stay tuned as we finish the final details of the Starkey den, back living room, by the kitchen room, or whatever you want to call it. (we even for awhile tried to call it underseas - since that was the sherwin williams name given to the walls - but we couldn't get that one to stick...)

Weekend Top Ten

2011-03-21T23:25:00.000-05:00

I knew it was going to be a good one!!! Here is the list in no particular order...

#1 - The weather - It was beautiful... lots of outside time - called for sunglasses, many rides in the jeep,l and taking the long way home as often as possible.

#2 - Remembering the camera - I carried it in the purse all weekend - thus caught random memories like these...

I randomly cut bangs this weekend too...

"Who me?"

Striking a pose in Deep Ellum

Daddy's Girl

#3 - Play time at Mammaw's with all the girl cousins...which included paint, water, and fun!

The girls painting flower pots

Hello World!

Who needs a bathing suit?

#4 - Finished one of my favorite home improvement projects to date...Pictures to come later this week.

#5 - Found cheap furniture to buy for a future project...
Urban Outfitters was selling old display furniture and I got two pieces for $20.

#6 - Went to the Deep Ellum Outdoor Market to check it out and decide if I could be ready to have a booth next month - and the answer is YES so I am so excited.

#7 - Did some shopping at West Elm (favorite store) and got a new chair for the den.

#8 - Went to brunch at Dream Cafe - yum yum yum - love omelets with pesto, goat cheese and sundried tomatoes

#9 - Took at 3 hour nap on Saturday afternoon - I had to get up and wake everyone up at 5 so that any of us would go to bed that night.

#10 - Ended the weekend with a fire truck next door and us peeking through the living room curtains trying to figure out why our neighbor was hoola hooping with a flaming hoop. Yes I am so serious - I unfortunately couldn't get a picture but you will have to trust me that I am tellin' the truth!

Hope you all had great weekends too! Now for a week of welcoming spring!

Thursday is the new Friday

2011-03-17T22:03:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite things about life right now is that Thursdays are Fridays in our home. Jerod doesn't teach on Fridays, I don't work on Fridays and so it's the WEEKEND!!! Yea. The forecast is calling for 80 degrees, I have two pieces of furniture almost done, and got to new pieces tonight to start on,
I just found this great tutorial (little girls shabby ruffle skirt) and can't wait to try my hand at a skirt for Cana AND we have a cousin play date scheduled for tomorrow, hitting an outdoor market on Saturday and brunch at Dream Cafe on Sunday!!!! I am on cloud 9 just thinking about spending the weekend with the fam!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Choo - Choo Here Comes Spring

2011-03-16T21:55:00.002-05:00

I LOVE spring. I love how really one day you wake up and you all of a sudden realize the trees are budding, the birds are more plentiful and there is a heck of a lot of work to do. This will be our second summer in this house and the first summer that we are actually making plans for the yard. Cana needs a place to play so we are trying to make it in our pretty small back yard.

This project will be broken down by weekends and I will try to keep you posted of it's development...but I have to show you my little pride and joy from this weekend. Choo Choo Planters (as Cana puts it)...

Seriously they are old HEAVY hub caps from a train car. How cool is that? They were underneath all this mess...

So after pulling them by tying them to the jeep and pressin the gas, Jerod and his dad got them here...How good are they at placement!!

Then I got to go to work. I transplanted all the plants that were in the back half of the yard to this very small concentrated area. Now we are daily watering with a little prayer for them to survive. Transplanting is SO much cheaper than going to Home Depot three times on a Saturday and buying new (because you never buy enough the first time - right?) I did go and buy some seasonal annuals to plant in the planters for color and a little life to our half worked on back yard. I love them though, so unique and totally go with our house and the sounds of the railroad across the street. They scream - Hello Spring!!! What could you use to make your own unique planters for spring?

This project was entered in the CSI Project this week - themed "Spring" ! Click here to view this project and all the others entered this week.

Good Day...

2011-03-10T10:50:00.000-06:00

It's only 10:50 in the morning...

I have finished my tasks at work
I have finished our 2010 taxes (or putting together everything the accountant needs to do them)
I have read enough of Anna Maria Horner's blog that I am dying to go home and sew.
I have clipped coupons and made a grocery list
I have had three cups of coffee
I made toast with Cana girl (she did the jelly by herself)
I have dreamed about wanting some thing at a restaraunt for dinner, talked myself out of it because it's "not as healthy", and then looked again online for some Thursday night specials, because maybe if it is a really good deal I can overlook the calorie/fat factor.
Saw a potential name for an unborn boy baby and Jerod kind of liked it too.
Sang some old sing a longs with Cana on the way to work
Found a market that I want to goal out to sell at by May
And wrote a blog entry!

I love the feeling of a productive day before lunch.

Jesus on a Cloud and a Nightstand

2011-03-08T08:08:00.001-06:00

Cana is finally better - praise God...that was a long week. I do have a funny story from the sick time though. Around 4:00 every afternoon she would go into this vegetative state in front of the tv watching Nick Jr. and her fever would creep back in and her eyes would glaze over. It was so sad, but one afternoon during this time we were mean and were trying to break the stare by saying things like, "Cana want some candy." nothing "Look there's a squirrel." nothing, "Look Cow is walking" (that's her stuffed animal) nothing, this went on for a while and we never got a response and then Jerod goes, "Look Jesus is coming on a cloud." She ran to the window and goes where??? She is one smart cookie...Dear God, may you always be the one that gets her attention!

In furniture news...I finished a nightstand.

Before:

In Process:
I do all my painting in my lady cave in the front of the house...Jerod has his man cave in the studio above the garage and my space is this random room that made this house just right for us. I couldn't remove the hardware on the drawer because it was covered up by the plastic drawer that I am sure my grandfather somehow maneuvered - he was crafty and silly like that and we all loved him for it. Therefore kept the old stuff and just painted around then cleaned up the rust on it with fingernail polish remover. I started with a metallic gold coat and then in the after shots you will see added a black glaze over it for more dimension and a little older look.

After:

And now she resides in the adult guest room at my mom's house.

Been busy...

2011-03-05T10:47:00.000-06:00

Ok so I am not even feeling guilty anymore for not posting in two weeks…last weekend I sat down and wrote this long confession and pictures – I went to put in the last picture on Thursday and when I did the whole thing deleted. So last night I started it again and just now a full 24 hours later I finished it – wrote a final sentence and poof – it was gone again. This is so frustrating, as is listening to my sweet little Cana who can’t go to sleep because she feels so bad even after four days of antibiotic. It is so hard to not be able to “fix” it and make her better.

I am not sure what I am supposed to be learning from these posts continuously being deleted…I am determined to show you what I have been working on the last two weeks.

My mom is letting me redecorate two of her guests rooms upstairs…one is a kid’s guest room and the other is the adult room…I only have pictures of the kid one for now. I picked a much lighter fresh color, picked fun brighter colors for bedding and added a lot of wall hangings. Much more kid friendly and exciting than the cream and black toile that was in there. It was so much sewing, painting, and making up stuff.

This is a map of Waco framed since Waco has meant something to all of us in the family at one point or another...

The next project that I am still in the middle of is Jerod’s studio. We never painted or did anything to personalize when we moved in so it was way past due and fun to do for him. So far we have painted a couple of walls, built a frame for the wall mirror, built a shelf out of a railroad beam and a collage board to cover the back of the piano.

And to make sure there is a little mess and progress going on inside the house – I am slowly but surely working on Cana’s room. I have painted a new old headboard for her “big girl” bed and done some work for a couple of her walls.

All of this has made me very happy…I so love creating. I am bad and slow at showing because I am afraid of what people will think…is she a good mom if she is doing all this other stuff too, this isn’t really that good, or is she crazy for thinking that any of this would be something someone would want. I am really realizing that if I don’t want any of those things to come true, I have to start sharing and showing – in process and completed things. I do so badly want to do this for a living…I want to make gifts for others to give, I want to help women see a project done that has always been in their head, or help someone see a possible project out of what they just see as the everyday stuff around them.

Trash Trucks are entertaining...

2011-02-21T10:12:00.000-06:00

I love how simple it is to love and entertain an almost 2 year old. We spent three hours on the front porch yesterday morning - waiting for the trash trucks, eating breakfast and looking for the neighborhood cats.

I also love how much my heart longs to spend time with her doing whatever the heck she wants to do. I had to work a lot this week and I have been frantically busy starting a lot of new projects at night so the day at home completely engrossed in this beauty was so good for my heart.

Update on the floors...we still aren't 100% sure that the dog won't scratch it up terribly so we have moved back in and are living on it for a while before doing the molding to make sure we don't have to start completely over with a different type of stain. So far it has held up under week one...please God let this work b/c I had fun doing it but there is nothing more frustrating than having to start completely over on the exact same job.

I am so excited because I am about to leave now to go set up the guest room my mom is letting me completely redo in her house. I am also very glad that this week should be a week of some finished ideas and I will get to show you! AND I should have time to write more.
This week I should have lots of pictures of some finished stuff...and some time to actually write.

Messes are a sign of progress...right?

2011-02-11T07:56:00.001-06:00

I am so ready to finish something...
I am tired of looking at mattresses in both living rooms and clothes piled high balancing on those mattresses, and because it so out of order what's the point of cleaning really. So nasty floors, shoes all over the place, just complete clutter...

Today we put the very last finish on the floors and God say the same they will be finished and ready to live on by the time we get home on sunday.

I have so many projects I want to start or finish but need to finish our room and the studio redo first. I haven't even shown you the studio yet...hehe...it is going to be AWESOME. I am just having to learn that everything takes longer than my mind imagines it will.

Jerod and I are headed for a weekend at Pine Cove - it's our annual marriage retreat. Love it...extra special this year because Jerod will be leading worship for the group. I am so excited to hear and watch him do what God made him to do. He is so great. Yea - I am already starting to feel all mushy about my man and we aren't even there yet...better watch out honey!

Hope you all have a great weekend...

Pictures and a quote

2011-02-09T20:07:00.000-06:00

We had another snow day...so the last two days have been spent Valentining it up...(when you have your own blog you can also make up your own words :) )

First we made cupcakes...Cana loves cooking and I love that Cana loves it. She drags the chair to her little corner and makes a very minimal mess considering her 20 months. She was not willing to be photogenic while we were baking so the only pictures were faceless...she would turn away and throw a hand up. The girl is ready for paparazzi.

As much as she likes cooking she likes watching and waiting (hopefully a sign that she obtained more patience than me). We put the cupcakes in the oven, she got her container of cheerios and sat eating and watching.

She had no interest in icing them, but when the sprinkles came out - well that was a different story. Two cupcakes were adorned with an entire bottle of red sprinkles and then she had the most fun playing with the leftovers in the pan.

{Swirl, swirl, swirl}

After all were colorful and valentiney (another one of my words)...we delivered a few to Mammaw and Pappaw and Miss Angel. Nana and Pops you get yours tomorrow once the ice melts.

Today I got a little bit of the crafty Valentine's bug and made a few hair clips to give to the little girlies in our life and a cute little card.

I am learning to love felt. It sews easily, it glues easily and it's bright. I have always thought of it as kind of cheap (and it is but not in the way I use to think of it.)

A little note on the status of the concrete floors...so we thought we were done on Sunday minus the baseboards, uh but no...
It looked finished, it felt finished - but then the corner of a piece of tape barely brushed the surface and there was the original concrete color shining dully back at us. We weren't {aren't} sure if it is a sealant issue, a drying issue, or something completely unknown. All this cold can't be helping. The Starkey Solution for now: We applied two more coats of the sealant, and haven't walked on it or barely looked at it for 24 hours. Tomorrow it is going to sit another day completely untouched and then Friday we are going to put three coats of a floor finish on it and then let it sit untouched for two days while we are out of town before trying to move in. Fingers crossed...it looks so good - I just want it to work.

I found this quote today and I love it...
"Find something that you love, find a way to make a living at it and you'll never 'work' a day in your life" Enjolik R. Oree-Bailey

I read this and felt like there is so much truth to this...I believe that God wants us to live like this in the passion and the gifts that he has so particularly and uniquely and intentionally put inside us.

I hope this little girl finds lots to love and gets to do it her entire life!!

Hoping for a sunny ice free day tomorrow...

Ice is Gone...Back to Work...

2011-02-07T20:49:00.000-06:00

So I made it to work today and to give testimony to how thankful I am for the provisions God has made in my job I write this post. Since we moved back to Dallas I have been on a career / identity roller coaster. { This might be a little lengthy in information but hang in there please because so much of this leads to the entire reason I am blogging this } When Jerod and I moved back to Texas from Nashville I immediately (like literally immediately - we moved here on a Saturday and on Tuesday ) started working at Republic Title as a temporary receptionist at the Lakewood branch office. I was going to work there while looking for a job in my field. After months of looking, interviewing and not finding anything that fit what I was looking for I went full time as the receptionist there. I never in million years imagined myself working there. This is the company my Dad has worked for since I was like 18 months old and I spent high school summers working for him, but we don't always end up where we expect...amen anyone?!?! After a year there I moved up and became an escrow assistant and then a year and a half later I went to work in our commercial division doing 1031 exchanges (no need to even explain that because I only did that for a year before moving on to a commerical escrow assistant). Then I got the break I was unknowingly waiting for..a marketing position back at the Lakewood office. I started there in June of 2008...I loved it. Planning parties, taking clients and potential clients to lunch and dinner, start non profits that generate business, etc. all things I LOVED doing. In September I found out I was pregnant and kept working as hard as my body and emotions would allow. After having Cana I went part time and it wasn't feasible to do that job to its fullest part time so I resigned...months later after working myself out of my responsibilities and through a merger, I finally ended up working in a temporary situation with my Dad in the accounting department at our Corporate office. I never thought this would be what it became but I loved doing it. There was so much freedom in black and white answers, being done with tasks at the end of the day and taking nothing home with me mentally. This move let me start to really be me at home...I had time to create, craft, paint, decorate rooms, design rooms, etc. I am so happy right now and last week found out that I get to permanently stay in this department. God has such a funny way of weaving us through such webs to get where we can be our best, but I truly give Him all the credit for getting me here. There is not as much identity in this job for me to claim and be "proud" of but the return is the blessing I have of finding my identity in the gifts and the things God made me to love. I have learned that I am good at more things than I am supposed to commit my life to doing and it took me a long time to figure that out. It doesn't have to be about money, it doesn't have to be about being popular, but it does have to be about peace. Today as I was shredding papers (not the most glorious task)

I was so thankful that I get to wear these to work now...
JEANS...I swear I am so much more efficient at work in jeans...
and I have time to go to Hobby Lobby at work and pick up a few fun things to do with Cana tomorrow...and a few fun things for me too :)

All that to say...I am so thankful for the journey God set me on years ago. I am thankful that He allows us some wiggle room to mess up and to find our way again with Him because it is oh so sweet. I have found freedom from my brain, from perfection, from people pleasing, from false identities, all by letting Him free me up to have time to create. Art, colors, making a home beautiful and personal, many things make me see God in these things and allows me to believe that there is so much more to life than a Job. This blog is for me to have the opportunity to share with anyone who happens to read that God is pleased with creativity. God wants me to slow down and take time to teach Cana that there is beauty in more than careers and teach her how to enjoy the beauty in the world in a Godly view. There is so much more for me to share how I came to this but for now I want you to just know I am happy where I am.

The Results of Many Days Together Inside

2011-02-05T08:52:00.000-06:00

Is that really the sun??? it was so nice to finally wake up this morning to the sun (well that's not really true - it was still dark when I was awakened by the beckoning upstairs, but the sun is what appeared an hour later) These gray days were fun, adventurous and sweet, but I am ready to see the ground again.

The floor is coming along amazingly - we LOVE it!!!! So much so we are trying to decide when we can rip up the floors in the den and kitchen so we can move the stained look out past our bedroom. We have cleaned, etched, and put 2 1/2 coats of stain on...now we just have to put the sealer on, finish the baseboards and move back in. When we got started I was so nervous - I said to Jerod -"if this is doable why don't more people do it themselves?" So the fact that I hadn't ever read about how to do it on blogs or anything I was doubting our skills, but it was unfounded - we rocked it out! The cleaning and etching are the biggest job, and if you had tile or a flooring with glue previously it would have been even harder. Once you get to the actual staining well that's easy. After the first coat we got a pattern and application method down that we liked. So more pictures and tips on how to do it yourself to come when we finish but for now here are pictures of stage 2.

Now I want to have a mushy mommy moment...look at this face.

This beautiful one - I don't even know what to say about her - she leaves me speechless because she either is being so sweet or so funny. This week she had my favorite "first" so far...she was sitting next to me on the couch drinking her morning milk and watching a nick jr. show when all of a sudden she stood up put her arm around my neck and said, "ahh mama" and gave me a hug and kiss unsolicited. She chose to express love and oh. my. gosh. nothing better. I love this little girl.

Stay Tuned {and cross your fingers w/ us...}

2011-02-03T18:20:00.000-06:00

Last weekend we decided we had had it with our carpet in the bedroom. Jerod has been most disgusted and frustrated and irritated and mad and need I say more about the floors in our new house than anything else. I have tended to just ignore them and keeps my eyes looking at eye level as much as possible. But last weekend - it was decided - rip it up. This weekend - it was decided - lets try staining it ourselves. (Under the carpet was only concrete)
So off to Home Depot we went and here we go...

Stay tuned for updates and results...

Stuck Inside! {and loving it}

2011-02-02T07:08:00.000-06:00

I love Texas ICE (well as long as it comes during the middle of the night and I have no pressure to be anywhere but inside my warm house with hubby and baby and dog.)

Cana loved the ice...I suggested we move to the mountains to make her happy and Jerod exclaimed without any pause "NO I hate this" ... he may have hated the negative whatever it was wind chill but we were both loving this...

This past weekend this big girl moved into a big girl bed {Sigh - she is getting so old} ...she had been requesting to take all her naps in the guest bedroom and doing great so we figured why not?!?! She made this transition a little faster than I was ready for her - her quilt isn't ready yet - nothing like a little postive pressure :) Since that wasn't ready to personalize her new big girl room I figured she needed something, so I made her a little girly lamp to go on her nightstand. Here is the before and after...

Before:

After:

Then of course I couldn't leave the Mister out so I made him these...I don't really love chocolate and I loved these. They are easy, very few ingredients and not too sweet. Go make some - you will be glad you did - as will your whole family.

Ingredients

1 1/3 cups all purpose flour
3 tablespoons natural unsweetened cocoa powder (scooped into measuring spoon, then leveled)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
10 tablespoons (11/4 sticks) unsalted butter, melted, cooled
1/3 cup (packed) golden brown sugar
1/3 cup sugar
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons light corn syrup
2 tablespoons whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts
1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips

Preparation

Whisk flour, cocoa, baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon (generous) salt in medium bowl. Stir butter and next 5 ingredients in another medium bowl until smooth. Stir in flour mixture, then nuts. Cover and chill until firm enough to scoop, at least 4 hours. DO AHEAD Can be made 1 day ahead. Keep chilled.

Position 1 rack in top third and 1 rack in bottom third of oven; preheat to 325°F. Line 3 large baking sheets with parchment. Measure 2 level tablespoonfuls dough; roll between palms into ball. Place on prepared sheet. Using fingers, spread out dough to 3-inch-diameter disk. Repeat with remaining dough, spacing 5 inches apart.

Bake cookies 8 minutes; reverse sheets. Bake cookies until flat and beginning to darken around edges, about 10 minutes. Transfer cookies on parchment to rack (cookies will crisp as they cool). DO AHEAD Can be made 4 days ahead. Store airtight at room temperature.

Place rack inside rimmed baking sheet. Place chocolate chips in small microwave-safe bowl. Heat chips in microwave in 15-second intervals until smooth, stirring occasionally. Place cookies on rack. Drizzle melted chocolate over cookies. Let stand until chocolate sets, about 30 minutes.

hAppY tHankSgIviNG!

2010-11-25T09:07:00.000-06:00

thankful to wake up at my mom and dad's house. cold winds blowing outside making it feel seasonal and knowing i get to wear a scarf and boots to brunch today makes me very happy!!! i love the holidays - and i had no idea how much more fun it would be with a child to experience it with!

thankful that my life is now fuller with a new niece and a new nephew in the last month...meet Ella Joy arrived yesterday and Judah Justice about a month ago...hope you all have a very wonderful day.

i am embarrassed and thankful

2010-11-24T11:20:00.000-06:00

i know i know i know...i shouldn't even be allowed to log in still. it has been way too long and i am officially embarrassed to write again. i have so many faithful blogging friends and i am the epitome of a bad blogger. BUT i am really going to try again. things are different now - life is different now - i am different now. hehe...or so i would like to think.

so I am going to jump in writing like i never left and just ignore that i have months and months of updating to do. i will let time update itself by living in today which has been greatly influenced by the past year and a half.

as a precursor to Thanksgiving Day...
here's what i am thankful for:

one - God. He is forgiving, loving, and is the Giver of peace, joy, sound mind, new beginnings, and patience. i am thankful He knows how much i need Him and that He is ok with me not being perfect
two - Jerod. he is my leader, he is so kind to me and patient with me, he lets me go and he keeps me grounded
three - Cana. the girl that motivates me to be better, to change and even more to create and love living life.
four - new position at work. -working in accounting and having a commute (unexpected good things) love the doneness of each day and the time alone in a quiet car to think or make phone calls and no competition
five - passion. i love passions. i have loved listening to the inner me again that gets giddy and antsy about weird things
six - family. mine. and for newest members - judah justice and ella joy - pictures to come as soon as i get them! i am dying to hold those two new babies!

What are you thankful for??? for me blogging again right? haha... well I will be back soon and no that doesn't mean next year. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

and here are a couple of pictures of miss thang...

Cana on the move...

2009-03-30T20:17:00.000-05:00

Sorry for SNL playing in the background...but I can't get over her. I think she is just amazing in there!!!

Life Today

2009-03-30T17:51:00.000-05:00

Today I sit having way too much to catch up on because I have been a non existent blogger. Today I sit a little overwhelmed with life as it is today. Today I sit completely thankful for so many wonderful friends and family. Today I sit completely in love with this man I get to call husband and soon dad (well actually Pa - that's what he wants to be called). Today I realize how incredibly blessed I am to have lived the life I have, to have this life inside of me and to have so much to look forward to and knowing I have so many people to live it with.

I will do some catching up through pictures -

Miss Cana's Room...

On Saturday, we hosted a shower for Evie and Baby Pippa. My mom came and stayed the weekend helping me with Evie's shower and then was here for my shower at Evie's house on Sunday.

Jerod and I got to go and meet Baby Mack Sullivan Kurth this weekend. Our friends Nick and Lendy had Mack last weekend and he is beautiful! Doesn't Jerod look like a natural and completely ready to have his own? I can't wait to see him holding our own little baby girl.

Below is a shot that I should probably not even post b/c geez I look big - but I think it is funny...Baby Pippa and Baby Cana have grown together now for months and I just can't wait to see them together - outside of us!

Evie hosted a beautiful shower for me at her house on Sunday with an amazing spread of all my favorites right now including strawberry shortcake!!!

Cana received so much stuff yesterday...it was kind of cracking me up how I didn't have any lap space to open presents- Everyday I find something new that has become more difficult to do thanks to the growing stomach. I was a little overwhelmed when I got home realizing that all this stuff was for OUR baby - I have spent years buying baby gifts for friends it is completely exciting and scary to be opening these gifts for us to use. Mom spent a couple of hours once we got back helping me clean out closets and cabinets so I could breathe again normally and stop freaking out that there would be no room for all of her stuff.

I am 32 weeks pregnant now and I am so ready to meet our little girl. Being pregnant has been the most all inclusive experience I have ever been through. There is not a part of me that has not been touched and effected by this growing life inside of me that God decided we were ready for. The most important things at this point that I attribute learning to this season of life are these:

1- God determines when we are ready for things in life - not us and that He makes us ready- I can never make myself "ready" for what God has, but I can allow God to work on me and I can accept the grace that allows us to all move forward.

2- Life is day by day - when God is in control there is nothing more "to do" than to live each day for exactly what that day is and requires. I have never been in such a place where the future is all question marks and been so peaceful because no matter how I look at it - I really can't do anything about the unknown and unforseen coming except to live today the best I can and enjoy it.

3- I love my husband and what we have more than anything in the world. He has been amazing during this time - he has been honest and real through the months. He has embraced his new calling with courage and he is going to continue to be the most incredible husband and will be an amazing dad. I can not lie - I am mourning the ease with which we have had so much fun and done some crazy things over the last six years - what I wouldn't give for one more trip to the beach just us, but I do believe and know with all my heart we are about to fall in love in a whole new way and the love we will share with this little girl will help us fly into our future.

4- I have learned to accept and appreciate help in a whole new way. I have always been a very independent person and find a lot of my identity in being self sufficient and being able to do everything. It has been one of the sweetest things to let people help me and it has also changed my heart in a way about helping others. I am a little ashamed to admit how I have realized that not accepting help in the past has made me have too high of expectations on others and have ignored many opportunities to help others.

So now that I have written way more than I intended to right now - I will end this with a thank you to all of you who were involved in making this weekend happen. The shower on Sunday was amazing and I really felt so loved. I know that Jerod and I will make it through the next few months because we have such wonderful family and friends.

It's a GIRL!!!

2008-12-30T10:35:00.000-06:00

We are having a beautiful healthy little baby girl - her name is Cana.
It was amazing to see her again, she went from a tiny blinking dot to a six inch, .55lb child. In four short months she has grown so fast and developed a little personality. The nurse said that she was a big mover and she kept waving at us throughout the sonogram...she even gave us two big yawns. It was hilarious and wonderful - (sorry for no pictures, but I have tried over and over to get the sonogram pictures on here without any success)

Christmas was great this year - Jerod and I celebrated our Double Christmas Eve on the 23rd together at our house. Christmas Eve night we went to my parents house and went to the Christmas Eve service and went home to eat Chinese food. Christmas morning we opened presents together with my family (minus Brian and Kristin - they stayed in Seattle this year where they had a white Christmas). Then that afternoon we went to Jerod's family Christmas for mexican food...it was a great Christmas! Then I still had three more days off and Jerod and I got to relax, take down Christmas decorations, watch movies, play Xbox, do a couple of puzzles, pick out which room would be the nursery, etc.

This week is a short week at work - and then I get another four day weekend for New Year's! I hope you all had a great Christmas. I will keep trying to get pictures to post...

I want to be home...

2008-12-22T16:36:00.000-06:00

Why do we have to be grown up? I want to be home with Jerod baking Christmas goodies we don't need, wrapping presents, listening to blaring Christmas music and not working.
Nothing of much importance got done today at work - I sat here contemplating the thought of hearing tomorrow morning - "It's a girl" or "It's a boy". I really am falling more and more in love with this growing being inside - I feel him or her move more and more now and when I feel that my heart goes to mush and I just stop. I have a feeling these next few months are going to take a significant dip in being very productive at work...thank goodness most of my job is planning parties, delivering checks and just talking.

Until I have more news tomorrow...stay warm!

Picture requested...

2008-12-18T10:39:00.000-06:00

It is weird to post pictures of your growing self on a blog. I know that it is the thing I go and check for everyday when my friends are pregnat, but it is weird to do it for yourself. So here is a picture I had Jerod take the other morning - meet baby Starkey - growing, moving, and changing me every day more and more.
This was not the best picture (faceless and me sassy w/ the hand on the hip) but you can see the bump...being pregnant has proven to be the weirdest experience of my life to date...
I can seriously be happier than ever in one moment, I mean a happiness I can't really explain - elated, and then an hour later sobbing on the couch feeling like everything is wrong and being so overwhelmed with the rawest emotions. Usually these come and go in fleeting moments, but this past weekend it set in for a couple of days. My sweet husband was so very patient with me and just hugged me and didn't try to "fix" it - one huge " THANK YOU GOD!" for a man who is willing to just listen and hug. Thank you for a dear friend, a mom of two, who told me it is normal. I needed to hear that too. There is a lot of guilt associated with those down moments b/c I kick myself saying you should only be elated.

Other weird things...coming home from work and not being able to decide between pancakes, fried rice or french fries so indulging in a combo meal at home that you can't get anywhere else.
...coming home from work and wanting to do nothing but clean the house and organize- I realized last night as I was vacuuming that there were a few big chores that if I don't do in the next couple of months, I won't be able to do them myself b/c bending over and cleaning or organizing on your hands and knees may prove to be a new challenge. And my inspiration for organizing was the January issue of Better Homes and Garden...the closets and drawers in that magazine made me so envious.
...eating dinner at 5:30 and then falling asleep by accident and waking up at 10 - then not being able to actually go to bed - this is happening less and less, but sleep is all kinds of out of whack - now more so due to the unscheduled pee breaks at 3 and 5 am. It's clockwork this week.

Next Tuesday is the big doctor appointment, everyone pray with us that little one is healthy and growing just perfectly, that little one cooperates and lets us see all the necessary parts so we know what it is, and praise with us that we get to see him/her. Technology is amazing!!! I can't wait to visually get to know him/her better next week. Oh I can't wait!!!

12 Weeks and a Wedding

2008-11-13T20:01:00.000-06:00

12 WEEK OLD BABY...

Time goes by so fast! I am at 12 weeks this week and I can't believe how fast it is going by. At our last appointment we saw the baby's heartbeat, such a fast little sweet sound. We will find out on December 23rd what we are having (as long as he/she cooperates, please God!) I can not wait to find out what we are having - Jerod has decided that it is a boy and has me calling it a him simply out of repetition of hearing it. Some days I am completely convinced that it is a boy too and then there are days where I am sure it is a girl...I don't have that overwhelming sense one way or another.

I am feeling better all the time...I can stay awake a little later at night, and the random bouts of nausea are gone. The most amazing thing right now is the hunger that will strike without any warning and turn me into a complete monster. Jerod can see it coming on now and starts suggesting food as the mood and facial expressions start to turn. I am slightly showing - I can tell everyday because nothing fits anymore at all - and maternity clothes - they are weird.

I mean look at this - while in Seattle, Jerod and I stopped in Old Navy to look at their maternity section and really - what is this? It was a one piece adult onesie and it had belt loops around the low waist line - where would one wear this? And yes, I know the tights and boots help but dang it was cold in there.

BRIAN'S WEDDING...

Brian's wedding was great! Jerod and I got there on Wednesday and spent the first couple of days helping Brian with last minute details and then we got to just hang out in Seattle - shopping, eating and walking Pike's Market. I am so excited for Brian, he was so happy all week and so ready to be married. Kristin is amazing and it will be really nice to have her in the family. I have to say that I did pretty well- I made it through talking at the rehearsal dinner (only choking up at the end) and then during the ceremony - I cried but not uncontrollably. I hadn't really thought through the fact that I would be staring at him the whole time from where I was standing, so I kept just looking past at a window. Oh and I avoided the very near fall walking down the aisle slipping on a rose petal. Can you imagine if I actually had a story about falling while walking down the aisle at my brother's wedding? Oh my gosh I am so glad that did NOT happen. Jerod did get to walk three girls back up the aisle after the ceremony and it was completely hilarious...they weren't all at the rehearsal so he didn't know that it would happen until in the moment and then everyone in the room just started laughing - it was great.

Here are a few pics, but I will post the link to the photographers site when they are available because those will be the good pics...the photographer is amazing.

This was at the Rehearsal dinner...

Doesn't Jerod look all handsome in the suit...he has the perfect shoulders for suits. I waited until the very last minute to put on my dress because it was cold, it didn't fit really well and I felt very busty and big in it...So I have no pics of the bridesmaid dresses at this point or a pic of Kristin in her dress...But there they are eating at the reception - she had this really cool veil she wore at the reception that she made.

Here they are leaving the wedding...

And then it was all done...a great day, a great trip, and now here we are back at home looking the holidays quickly approaching. I am trying to finish up end of the year projects at work and Jerod is busy preparing for his part as Scrooge in a Christmas play this year! He is discovering that he can really act...I can't wait for the shows!

This might help me start blogging again...

2008-10-03T09:48:00.000-05:00

I am pregnant!!! Even just typing the words still seems a little unreal. I know it's true, three pregnancy tests, unexplainable degrees of tiredness, waves of nausea and then a little heartbeat on a sonogram, but even still there are moments it still hits like a ton of bricks. What I am going to be a mom ???? The due date is May 27th. It is such a blessing of timing...I got pregnant before turning 30 (by two weeks), I will not be showing by Brian's wedding in November, I will have the baby before Kristen leaves for college next September, and I won't have to be huge during a Dallas summer!!

Being pregnant is an overnight invitation to becoming less selfish, being more mindful of others, and feeling very humbled. One day I was just me and then after a three minute waiting period I was responsible for someone else. This bit is still a little overwhelming but I have grasped it best by just saying, "Thank you, God!" I can't figure this thing out, I can't know what is going to happen, I can't judge, expect or plan every bit of my life anymore the same way. I don't know what happened exactly - it just did. My heart is so much more thankful, so much more tender, and I love everything I have more than ever. The crappy thing is I am too tired a lot of time to express this anymore than to just feel it in my heart. I have peace, I have hope, I have so much adoration for Jerod, and I tremble in joy and wonder at the future because I know it will be so abundant in God's blessings and plan!

Weekend rundown...

2008-04-07T11:38:00.000-05:00

This weekend:

-was fun

-was relaxing

-was spent outside as much as possible

-I got my first sunburn for '08 - not proud of this necessarily except it means I did what I wanted to do this weekend and spent it all outside.

-Jerod and I watched a great movie: Dan in Real Life

-I planted tomato plants - Jerod and I love tomatoes...so we are really hoping to have our own this year along with jalepeno peppers and basil...(I will let you knwo how they all grow) acutally I need to take a picture of this and you can obsess over every mm of growth with me over the summer.

-we worked out on Sunday - we have discoverd working out on Sunday is key to us being successful about consistently working out through the week - if we start like that we feel obligated/challenged/driven (I don't know what word best fits here) to stay "good" all week with daily activity and eating well. Something about not wanting to mess up what we have started.

- I got my very own sander to work on furniture now anytime I want - yippee...Meet my sander:

- I painted the patio furniture apple red...love it and will show it off tomorrow when I remember to take a picture.

- heard a great reminder on Sunday at church...Richard was speaking about the importance of speaking the Truth and listening only to Truth. But the verse I was left to really dwell on - was Luke 6:45 "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." The challenge this week is for me to really try to take in Truth daily and to try to feed my heart what it needs rather than what my mind and daily circumstances tries to feed it when I myself starve it. It will be fed one way or the other, it is just a matter of how careful I am to feed it the right thing.

With all that I was sad to start today b/c I didn't want to leave weekend mode but at the same time I was relaxed and well set up to encouter the week...hope you all had a great weekend too!

One day/moment at a time...

2008-04-02T11:57:00.000-05:00

It is funny to me how when you are floating along in life, with feelings of unsatisfaction and not for sure of your next step - you can talk and write endlessly. My hiatus from words over the past couple of weeks symbolize a recognition in my life of some areas I really need to submit to God and some dreams I need to start living for me. Putting these things into words is a little scary to me and thus, I have declined over the last couple of weeks. I don't want to jinx myself, I don't want to play my typical game of overachieving and setting my own bar too high so that there is no way I could ever be successful and let's be honest do I really want to be accountable to words spoken out loud. I am trying to teach myself to live today for today. I am working on my anxiety and to turn my gifts of foresight and planning back into a good trait rather than a suffocating one for myself and those around me. I have starved myself of happiness in trying to be responsible for the world and in trying to make everything always make sense. (Setting yourself up for impossible goals will never lead to a good place) I have found ways to manage my stress which have actually only ended up creating new stresses and problems for me to deal with so again one day at a time. That's it .. .I can't say anymore - it becomes to big and I can't fix it all at once...one day at a time. Each moment for each moment.

The most exciting updates from the last few weeks are these...

1) I got my hair cut short (about 8 inches off)...this was in response to things not having to make sense...I have been wanting to for a while now, but I couldn't justify it from every angle..so I hadn't done it, but Saturday I decided it didn't matter if it was the best decision - it is hair and if I didn't love it...it would grow back. I do love it though...

2) I am working on several "projects" - ok so my secret dream is to decorate and make things for homes...I love painting old furninture, I love making things, and decorating things, and making things look pretty. Moving into my house and painting and arranging and picking out furniture, fabrics, etc was the most wonderfully suprising joy in my life. I could do that everyday for anyone for free and be the happiest girl around. Evie and I dream of opening a store some day, selling restored furniture, stationary, and many many home furnishings. So because my head has been about to explode with ideas and things I "want" to do - I decided I needed to start doing them - you don't know if you can't have what you really want unless you to try to get it. So as baby steps I am starting a few projects...one is ever for someone else which is the most exciting thing. A woman from my church came over one night for dinner and saw a cabinet I had done and since then has requested for me to do a table for her. So I have actually been commissioned and I am giddy. So tonight is my first night to work on this and I will keep you updated.

3) I have a husband that I love going through crap with because there is nothing like getting on the other side of stuff and realizing how absolutely in love I am with him when it's easy, hard and all the stuff in between.

4) I have some of the best friends in the world who are always there and listen and ask and care...and I love having good friends.

And here are a few Easter pics way too late but my nieces are so cute they need to be posted...

So the lessone we learned...take group pictures before you hunt the easter eggs...this is the best picture of them together b/c they didn't want to sit there they wanted to go through their eggs...who can blame them - they got rings with lip gloss in the stone.

Jayci got so excited with every egg she found...the funny thing was she was barefoot and would not step in the mulch so she would just point until one of us would scoot it closer so she could reach them.

Ainsley loved the jeep...She may have loved it almost as much as Jerod loves it.

Tribute to spring...

2008-03-20T19:46:00.000-05:00

I love the spring...I love the colors...the flowers...the warmer air - I love it all. It makes me happy.

Here is what I am looking at now--

I want to be a strong tree...

2008-03-13T12:17:00.000-05:00

Jeremiah 17:5 thru 8
"Thus says the LORD, "Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind And makes flesh his strength, And whose heart turns away from the LORD.
For he will be like a bush in the desert And will not see when prosperity comes, But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, A land of salt without inhabitant.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD.
For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit. "

I am still pondering though...what does "whose trust is the Lord" mean?
I have recently realized how anxious of a person I am...I am constantly thinking not just daydreaming...scheming. This use to be a kind of witty and funny trait but over years of letting this trait go unchecked, it has become a type of vine that is slowly sucking the life out of my tree. Anxiety for me is worrying constantly in hopes that if I am always thinking it about a certain thing then surely I will eventually think a new response and it be the perfect solution to avoid trouble, have the most, or prevent something all together. Thinking about something to the point of ignoring other life giving and exciting topics ( that would be worth entertaining ) does not change a situation. An example - Thinking about our budget for the next week incessantly, doing the spreadsheet literally ten times a day will not change the amount of money I make - it's the same and completely unchangeable by me. The amount we owe on bills will not change if I retype them in over and over...BUT somehow I have told myself that by spending that much time OBSESSING I am being a more faithful steward of what we have...BULL...what we have is what we have and God would find me more faithful if I would follow the command "Do not be anxious..." rather than following the self created command "Worry, work it out and wait for it not to change". Satan traps us so well...he does not want me to feel like life is under control...God's control that is. he does not want me to realize that there is joy in not knowing everything. he does not want me to recognize God providing or God being true to His word and as long as I try to hold it all in the palm of my hands I cannot step back and realize that HE has it all under control and even happening exactly the way that HE knows it needs to.

So I want to be a tree...a person who trusts in the Lord, who stands strong and is unshaken by the storms, the trials, the things of life, but rather stands with confidence, with fruit (joy, peace, love, patience, etc.). Rooted enough that I will stand still rather than trying to run in circles all the time trying to fix everything or get everything all at once.
I want to throw my worry to the stream ... I want my anxiety to quit choking out the fruit in my life. Lord help me...

10 Things I am excited about right now...

2008-03-07T10:44:00.000-06:00

1. This morning I woke up to a couple inches of snow - there is nothing like that to make your heart a little giddy. But truth be told by the time I left for work two hours later it was gone. I am glad I got up early this morning.

2. That joy comes in the morning... is true. Don't you get excited when scripture proves itself true in your life or when we are willing to let it be true in our life rather. Last night I went to bed and cried lots and lots, felt awful, and knew that the circumstances wouldn't necessasrily be different in the morning. But God is good and He reminded me this mroning in Psalms 135 that He tests our hearts and that this trying of hearts is required for refining and to be made righteous by Him. The peace of realizing your feelings are a part of God's process and not out own scheme against ourselves is joyful.

3. It is Friday and there are only six hours left in this work day!

4. Tonight we get to keep Luke and Zack for a sleepover. Luke and Zack are Alison's two wonderful boys ages 3 and almost 1. Talk about good practice. We are going to make pizzas and cookies tonight. Yum...

5. Tomorrow if weather permits I am going to Dallas Blooms and enjoy the first glimpses of spring oh and that makes me so happy. I love flowers!!!!!

6. Sunday is daylight savings. Which I won't be happy about when getting up an hour "early" but I will be happy about when at 6:30 that night it is still light outside. I love the freedom of being able to take a walk in the late evening. I feel like I gain hours to my day of functionality.

7. I painted my nails red last night - I don't know that I love the red...it make take a while to get use too but I love the fact that I took the time to paint them immediately after I had the thought "you should paint your nails."

8. Jerod and I have several good movies and recorded TiVo shows to watch this weekend - to name a few - Lost, Jericho, Michael Clayton, and I don't remember what else...

9. Thinking about getting to wear spring clothes soon...yes I know that I started with snow on #1, but getting dressed this morning I kept thinking how great it will be to wear skirts and to feel not so bulky all the time with layers and boots and all.

10. That at 5:30 I get to spend the next 62 hours with these two wonderful guys...

Belief: "80 to snow"

2008-03-04T09:55:00.000-06:00

So let me start this post by telling you about Saturday...a beautiful day. I woke up that morning the way I love to wake up - on my own - no alarm. Made some coffee, sat for awhile working on my Beth Moore study, trying to entertain Harrison so that he wouldn't wake up Jerod - finally gave that up as I was starting to get my feelings hurt that he would rather be with his sleeping dad than his awake mom trying to feed him peanut butter. In efforts to erase the twinge of jealousy I decided it was because Jerod walks him and takes him outside - I am the comforter and he didn't want to be comforted at that moment. See another lesson from our dog child that will help us be good parents. :) Anyways - back to Saturday- the day rolled on as the sun grew hotter and hotter and we spent the day - all day - outside. The winter white skin appreciated it, my spirit loved it and the jeep was glad to be topless again. The season is changing...
Now this is what I really want to talk about! That night was spent trying to soak in every moment of the warmth because still at this point we don't know how long it will last before the teasing sun hides again for a few days and then reemerges as it formalizes into spring officially. With every season that changes, I am starting to have a deeper sense that this is a very spiritual thing. I think that it is God's sweet and gentle way of reminding us that time is passing. He is still there, and He asks us to look into our lives with an open mind and maybe ask some deep and hard questions. Have I been obedient to the steps He has been bidding me to take? Have I loved as He has asked me to love? Have I grown in the last season of life? what does God want to plant in this next season to see bloom?

Ok ... so then last night it snows! What ? ?!!? I know - but I have to say that we were sitting out on the front door step watching the beauty fall and I had a moment where God spoke...He needed to remind me as these seasons are changing that nothing is impossible with Him. He can make the sun beams turn to the most beautiful snowflakes in hours. He can make all things white and new when exposed to the light.

I have been in a really long season (years) of knowing God. I have learned so much about Him. I have been excited and encouraged and I have testimony to His work in my life. I know Him well. BUT I want to be free to Believe Him!!! Not Believe in Him, but Believe HIM. Please hear the difference. I have been going through a Beth Moore study and we finished our last week last night. See God isn't quiet - He speaks in lots of ways all at once I think when He really wants us to hear. And as I have been preparing over the last few days for this night I have had a depressing spirit set in...as I realized that once again I had increased my knowledge without letting it change my belief in a way that actually starts to have power and affect on my life in action. Not that life with God is determined by work and deed but what is knowledge without being changed and affected by what you are learning. God teaches and reveals so that we may become more like His Son and live free...I am starting to feel my knowledge enslave me as I continue to deny it any more life than what it posses in my head.

For now that is all...I needed to use this place as a point of motivation for myself. I needed to write it and say it outside of my head so that I can move forward.

Weekend in the woods...

2008-02-11T09:40:00.000-06:00

Imagine a picture here - heavily wooded background (with winter trees) pine trees and lots of leafless east texas beauties...then a two lane road down the middle growing into a hill as you follow it out to the horizon and then the sun beating down casting perfect shadowing opportunities all along the side of one lane and then me and Jerod jogging next to each other on the sunny side of the road, looking at one another and panting (b/c we are going up the hill - remember) and laughing and both silently reflecting on how much we love each other.

That was our weekend in a snapshot and since I forgot the camera b/c I was too busy talking on Friday as we left - that's all you get for visual. :)

For the last three years Jerod and I have headed off to Pine Cove the week of Valentine's Day for a married couples retreat. The weekend includes a speaker, lots of food, lots of nature and these cabins that we have grown to love almost as much as a room with down feathered bedding. What I loved most about this weekend this year was just sheerly enjoying my husband completely and totally for just who he is as a man - not for his successes, his talents, his dreams, etc. but enjoying his laugh, his goofiness, his free spirit, his unplanned planning ability, his leadership when I didn't want to decide what to do next, his care as he kept telling me to get farther off the road when I car would come as we were jogging (it was kind of like he thought I might trip.?!?!? what, me?), and his jaw line ( with the bit of scruff that starts to grow on a long weekend). Together I loved not thinking about time, laying around watching movies between sessions, soaking in the sun, sitting out on a zip line field at night looking at the stars realizing how small the little dipper is comparison to the big dipper, discovering jalepeno flavored pretzels, and oh so much more...

I am one lucky woman! I pray to keep a certain perspective this week - I want to love this week for the inside things, for the man, for the parts that I see in rest and to treasure those things because they are so beautiful and safe and secure and sweet. Jerod, my burly beautifully made spontaneous and free man, thank you for a great weekend...I love you!

The Big Night

2008-01-31T12:21:00.000-06:00

There are not really words enough to explain everything that went on Sunday night....

Major thoughts resulting from the weekend:

**Why do we worry? Why do we let our bodies physically suffer from the stress of things that we have no control over? - So there were suppose to be two sound guys - one in the house and one on stage - well the main guy was flying in and was scheduled to arrive at the theatre by 3:30ish...well at about 5:30 sound check started without him. And this was the scariest sound check ever, the drums were so loud it hurt, I could not hear Jerod at all, and I freaked out. I finally realized that there was nothing I could do at that point and if I stayed I would probably have a heart attack and ruin the whole night, so I opted to go next door to a restaurant and see if I knew anyone there...thank God - I did...and so I spent a while over there. Sound check went late so doors opened late BUT let me tell you what happened next.

**We need to ask God - I wonder how much we don't receive because we just don't ask Him...

Jerod and I asked for some very specific, nearly impossible things that night - and God answered.

**My husband is gifted and the gift is from above - Jerod is talented, but God has given him a lot of supernatural things that happen when he performs that aren't of Jerod and I want to know more about what God says about this part of that night. Makes me want to know what my God given gift is that when I am in the middle of obedience with it, what supernaturally comes out that isn't of me. Do we all have that thing somewhere in our being to be found?

**We have the most incredible friends and family ... So I had the wonderful job of standing in the lobby and greeting people. Let me tell you there is something so exciting and overwhelming about standing in a glass front lobby and looking out across a parking lot and seeing people just flood in - people from all over the place, people that I was so incredibly touched that were there to support us and be a part of the excitement. I think I speak for both Jerod and I when I say the people made that night so special. There were aproximately 350 people there - WOW.

**Jerod was flawless all night...

He opened the concert with Asking (as soon as this song started I lost it - there it was the first note...perfect...the sound...perfect...I could hear Jerod!!!! All that crazy worry for nothing-God was in control and I knew I needed to just hold on, relax, and enjoy) Then he did a gospel/ r&b set, then he played two songs at the piano by himself (my song and It Is Well) which he played perfect, after that there was a pop medley of songs where the kids there were all dancing down front (so fun), and then ended with a few more of his songs and finally Driven. When the next to last song started I turned to my friend, Angel and started to tear up again because it was almost over. The concert went by so fast. But there it was- the night was everything we had hoped for plus a lot more...

**I don't really know what to think still...there were a lot of things that were so wonderful that happened that night, but I have to honestly say that life didn't feel as different afterwards as I thought it would. I think one thing God is wanting to tell my heart from this night is to stop thinking that only one thing can happen at a time. This music thing - it is going to be a part of life forever, and I do believe the night definitely planted a deeper sense of peace and confidence in this fact, but it also is not something that we can fully develop before moving on in other life goals and desires...the greatest thing to realize about music is that it won't ever be completely perfect and finished nor the work around it. There is probably a lot more to say here but I am not ready to say anymore yet...still waiting.

So here is what you are really waiting for ... THE PICTURES!!! Enjoy and if I missed any major point of the evening post your questions and I will be sure to respond...also if you haven't already check out the website http://www.jerodstarkey.com/

AWESOME!

2008-01-29T16:04:00.000-06:00

Sunday night was absolutely wonderful...I will give a full update of it tomorrow when I have pictures...
Jerod's website is now up - www.jerodstarkey.com
CD's are available on the website

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. The whole night was an incredible blessing and he was flawless.

4 days...

2008-01-23T10:15:00.000-06:00

It is only four days now until the big day and my stomach is here to testify. When I get excited and anxious my stomach takes the brunt...the butterflies move in and food doesn't want to settle. Come Sunday night at about 10 I will be starving.

This week has gone by really fast thus far and really smoothly - praise God. Sunday night is going to be amazing - I have no doubts that Jerod will present an amazing performance and will steal the hearts of all there. I have no doubts that God will show up and wow us all with His faithfulness and as He unfolds more purpose behind this call. He has already shown us this week how this is going to be the one of the biggest experiences of our life to date where the culmination of all of both of our worlds will be in one room together. There will be more opportunity in that room at one time than Jerod and I have ever been able or willing to put together on our own and I am hoping and praying that God will do something enormous with that whether it be for us to see that night or if it something that happens that we never know about. I pray for a belief in the impossible and I pray for a hope in the unseen to be the feeling left with people that night. I desire for people to want more and to believe God wants more for them. This is hard and this is my own prayer- God - please make mine and Jerod's life a testimony that you are faithful, you are good, you never leave us alone and that it is worth waiting on your ways that are bigger and greater that our ways, please let us be patient to wait for your mind and thoughts about things rather than relying and limiting ourselves to our thoughts.

I want to share a song with you guys...this song is the song that Jerod wrote for me about a year ago...let me give you a bit of background. Over the past few years I have really struggled with being patient - I have worked a job that I don't love - I don't hate it all the time but I don't always like it. We have sacrificed a lot of the norm to follow this dream and we have not done things the easy way a lot of the time. So over the past few years I would have melt down weeks, weeks where I just couldn't see the good and it was just harder to hold on to the truth. So my sweet dear husband who is completely faithful to trying to understand me and to listen and to try to fix things got to the point where there was nothing left to say...he had talked me through every angle and it just didn't help BUT then one evening I came home to this song and let me tell you that moment was like none other. To sit in my living room and to be touched to the very core of my heart mind and soul by the gift that my husband has been given to relate the whispers of God and his own feelings through song. This song gave my heart peace when words couldn't, this song has given me tears of motivation over and over in this last leg of the race and I can't wait for you to all hear it but read it with me now and praise God with me now as I can say I am laughing in delight at what is behind us and have laughter for the days to come because God is faithful!!! Thank you my dear sweet husband for being faithful to your gift and to listening to the words of our God - you are my most precious gift. And I think a lot of you need to just hear someone say "Baby hold on..." find peace in the FACT that God is saying it to us all.

Baby Hold On
Music & Lyrics by Jerod Starkey
For Elaine 1 / 30 / 2007

Verse

You’ve felt this strain for a long time now
Escape from the pain is always on your mind

And I don’t know what to say to you anymore
And I know you’ve heard these words before

Chorus

Baby hold on a little while longer
You’re gonna make it through
Baby hold on and one day soon
You’ll laugh at what’s behind you

Verse

I know you’re thinking ‘It’s not supposed to be this way’
It’s been so long you’ve forgotten why you’re waiting anyway

Sometimes we have to hold on to things we can’t see
‘Cause it makes us the people we’re supposed to be

Chorus

Baby hold on a little while longer
You’re gonna make it through
Baby hold on and one day soon
You’ll laugh at what’s behind you

Bridge

Oh maybe one day there will come a time
When you have no worries on your mind

© 2007/2008 Britches Publishing

Loyal to what...and by the way 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!

2008-01-17T09:36:00.000-06:00

Just a thought for the day...
Loyal: unswerving in allegiance, faithful to
Faithful: steadfast in affection or allegiance
(Definitions provided by Webster Dictionary)

"Your loyal heart is the only part of His expansion plan that He will not provide" - Bruce Wilkinson

This made me really stop and think...what am I loyal to? Am I truly committing a loyal heart to God's plan? Do I have a unswerving allegiance and steadfast affection for God? Do I approach each day with my heart held out to God saying here you go? -- I trust you completely that you will do nothing but lead me in a way that is in love and I believe that perfect love defeats fear - can you imagine the freedom that would come from a completely devoted and loyal heart?

So any biggest loser watchers out there? Jerod and I were catching up on some TiVo last night and we watched the last two weeks episodes of The Biggest Loser. I cried. We really like this show - as far as reality shows go this is the only one that has gotten us roped in - there is nothing like getting to watch people decide they are going to get it...they are going to do what they have believed for so long is impossible and then work like crazy. The thing I like about it too is I feel like they set them up to be able to remain successful even when the pressure is gone and most of their follow up shows seem to prove this to be true for a majority of past contestants.
I want to be motivated to work out just on a regular basis- and I think a little competition would be good for me. I am just slightly competitive (wink wink)...but if I had a group of girls that were all wanting to get healthier and we had little contests going and prizes I think I would do great. Maybe for example whoever gets in the gym four times a week for no less than 45 minutes gets taken out to dinner by the rest of the girls. (Healthy place of course - or maybe we could even get mean and that girl gets to splurge on one item and the rest have to watch or the winner can choose to share - that sounds like how a show would do it - right?)

Oh well ... I guess I should go work, but I had to post and give my countdown shout out...I can't believe it is only ten days away...God is so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Countdown begins...12 days

2008-01-15T15:59:00.000-06:00

ANYONE AND EVERYONE IS WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Join us for the CD Release Party for "Driven" by Jerod Starkey at the Lakewood Theatre on Sunday, January 27th at 6pm. Admission is free, so invite friends and family for an incredible performance. Doors open at 6pm and the concert will start at 6:30pm. For more information call 214.319.6020.
Lakewood Theatre - 1825 Abrams Parkway - Dallas, TX 75214

Smiling

2008-01-10T10:40:00.000-06:00

I had the most amazing revelation the other day...

I woke up on Tuesday morning giddy, just really happy, that kind of happy where you realize you are smiling a lot because your cheeks start to hurt. I sat down on our couch to pray and work on my Bible study - but I was so excited that I couldn't even put into words to God what I was so joyful and delighted about. I just kept saying thank you thank you and the verse that came to mind was:

"And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weaknesses; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:26-27

This verse has always meant to me in my head...when you are so stressed out, when things are so out of control, when I feel so lost, Jesus intercedes on my behalf my petitions, concerns and requests. In a moment I realized that Jesus intercedes on my behalf in praise too. And WOW - how I love that so much more. I wanted to just jump up and down.

What are the circumstances behind all this you ask - well I know they are rooted in the pride I have in Jerod right now. Eight years ago we started talking about him creating a CD of his own music and after many many ups and downs the calling never changed and God has seen it through and the CD Release Party is in less than three weeks. I am delighted in the faithfulness of God - I am delighted in the determination and the incredible work my Jerod has done - I am delighted that in three weeks I get to see my husband do something I have never seen before like this- I am delighted that God's grace is big enough that I am just delighted right now and not scolding myself for the unbelief and lack of hope I had at moments along the way to here. I am delighted that God is good and gracious and still works things out for good when I am not perfect. I am so glad that He requires obedience and not perfection. I am delighted that I am starting to understand that concept in just baby steps right now, but He is walking with me to know that for life.

So being in this state of mind and heart has then made me do somethings this week that have just made it all fun too. Like Sunday, I took the time to light every candle in the house and open all the windows and take the time to notice the circulation of the air through our house - to see a flicker of the candle and it make me happy. I know it's weird but I was living in that very moment not distracted by thoughts of anything other than exactly what I was taking in that moment. Then Jerod came home and we made up games in the backyard with a football and then we did cartwheels in the yard that night. I know - crazy - yes a little bit but it was good. And sometimes doing stupid things are good for our soul. But just wait the night gets weirder - long story short - I had never wrapped a house, I asked Jerod if he would take me, and we went and wrapped our best friend's house who lives a street over from us. I only had one roll of paper so it was nothing destructive at all but it was great! WE laughed for hours when we got home.

See we just got their light post and one big strand in one of their big trees ( so it really wasn't mean). Thanks Tyler and Evie for letting me use you to get my kicks :) I highly recommend doing something wierd this week, do something that seems ridiculus and too childish for where you are in life - the laughs and the smiles are so freeing.

Here are some other things over the past couple of weeks that have made me smile...

Jerod - He just makes me smile - His determination to love me - He had dinner waiting for me at home (w/ dessert) on Monday so I could eat before going to my Bible Study - He loves to talk to me and he has been so transaparent with me through life and at moments like this I am so thankful for them because I get to watch him grow and it makes me love him so much - And guys this man is working so hard and pushing forward and he is about to finish one of the biggest races of his life and it is the spectacular race I have watched with him so far and I can't wait!!

These girls - my five college roommates - we had our monthly phone conference last night and it always makes me so happy to realize how lucky we are to have each other. We are all so perfectly different that it works and it is great to grow up together.

Work this week has been great too...I don't have a picture for that...but I have been busy, I have learned more this week than I have in the six months I have been in this position and I can say that I have been glad to be there.

So there you go...that is me today. I am smiling.

Who's in Control?

2008-01-03T10:43:00.000-06:00

Well here it is three days into 2008, and I have that overwhelming sinking feeling that every controlling perfectionist has I think at this time of year. Being a child of God and being a controller just don't go together well and I think this time of year of resolutions and reflections tend to stir that contradiction inside of me and humble me. As I try to join in with the rest of the world making resolutions and goals for the new year, I am so graciously reminded that I don't have to do that the same way...because I have a chance for a new beginning in any moment that I decide to ask for it BUT I have to take that opportunity. And over the last few days God has been working at my heart and mind trying to so lovingly tell me that I need to just stop...I can't control life, I can't control circumstances, I can't protect everyone, I can't. But oh how I try and God has shown me that in my attempts I live in a false reality (not to mention take away His role as GOD). I don't experience life and feelings and faith the way He intends for His children to believe and hope. I hurt others and rob them of being all of who they can be because I have things resolved in my way before they could even be afforeded the opportunity to be involved much less possibly have a better way than mine. So my greatest desire for 2008 is not to make a list or a plan of action for this year, instead I hope to let God control more and I hope for an overwhelming since of rest and release. I want to enjoy and I want to dwell in the truth that "Apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5) I want to live like I really really believe these words. Lord please help me!! Help me not be apart from you...My spirit is aching to slow down, to absorb and to runneth over, to find as much satisfaction in reading your word as accomplishing a weeks to do list in one day, to feel unexplainable joy, to cry and laugh with those around me, to live in obedience and leave the consequences up to you without needing to know before hand.

I post this because I am asking that those of you reading who know me well and are around me a lot...when you see me planning, controlling (which often surfaces as thinking too much) I beg that you ask me who is in control?

Sorry so serious, I promise the next post will not be this serious. I really hope that everyone had a great holiday season and is as excited about all the unknown and hopeful things for 2008!!!

Identity...

2007-12-28T14:03:00.000-06:00

Who am I? Who do people think I am and who do they want me to be? How much time do we spend weighing these questions in our daily life? I know that I don't spend enough time dwelling on the answer to these questions - That I am a daughter of God's and I am free and loving and compassionate and have a very important purpose and joyful and alive, I wastefully spend so much time thinking about who I would be without Christ and who I struggle with not acting like. (That was one of those sentences that may not make much sense to the reader but I needed to get it out of my head...)

I am doing a study right now by Beth Moore, and I was really challenged today by two questions she asked.

"Think about the last week or two. Identify ways you believe you gave a true impression of who you are by acting as if you belonged to God.
Now, identify ways you may have given a false impression by not acting as if you belonged to God.
If you have received Christ, the only time you are true to who you are is when you are walking like one of His children. Christians can only be true to self when demonstrating that they belong to God."

It was interesting because it was very obvious to me in my past week the times when I felt free, felt like me, felt whole as a being obedient to God, and I know exactly when I slipped into my disguises too. Now I am just trying to figure out why I like to wear those disguises. I want to be true to myself and I deeply want to desire to live like a child of God more than like anyone else I can pretend to be.

Ramblings of a Title Escrow Assistant...

2007-12-26T15:07:00.001-06:00

Here I sit at work longing for the days when Christmas was a two week production rather than a two day marathon. I hate having to come to work when I know that there are still so many people at home enjoying the holidays, with family, at the malls, playing with all their new gadgets and gifts, etc. But the real estate world doesn't stop and even though I haven't done anything today that couldn't have waited until tomorrow...I am here. On the bright side, I have caught up on my magazines, have time to blog, and I have started shopping the internet for a dress to wear to the CD release party. This is my new quest right now so I will take linked suggestions on dresses for the party...I want something fun, it's okay if it is only worn once, but I need shoes too...so have fun shopping with me and for me if you can. Here is the one I have found so far...

I know a little low but tank under and these awesome crochet tights to go with it...It is not the dress I have pictured in my head but it is the only one I have liked so far....

I am getting so incredibly excited about this concert, I really haven't been excited about anything like this sense the wedding. I am so proud of my husband and I can't wait to sit there and listen and watch and just totally rejoice in all that God has done to make this possible. Going through these last couple of years and now this past week, I am seeing God again in a renewed and revived way. I had hope for what God could do but I have been rather lifeless in the waiting...God is teaching a lot right now and I will continue sharing this journey with you over the next few weeks...Most of all I am overwhelmed with joy and tears abundant as I revel in His grace, His provision and His TRUTH! What He says really is true and it makes my heart feel a million pounds lighter.

On a less serious note let's talk Christmas highlights for a bit...

Double Christmas Eve: A tradition Jerod and I started in order to have a special night for us as a family before we head out and do Christmas gatherings all over the metroplex. It consists of an incredible dinner prepared by my perfectly wonderful husband, always steak, bread beer, some variation of creamed spinach and usually another side to be determined annually - this year it was green bean bundles and they were wonderful!!! Then we pray, talk and do some activity planned by Jerod - this time we made big Christmas lists to Santa of things we both wanted this year...(that's what is in the big stockings on the fireplace) our lists were almost identical...this will be a big year :) now you are probably asking what are all the candles for ... we are trying to burn up all those random candles in the house that just won't go away so we have moved them to the table and have them on constant burning cycles until they are gone - it helped create the perfect candle lit dinner that night. Here is my cute cute cute husband cooking the dinner...I really love this guy.

Then here are some pics of the rest of the weekend with family...

Eastland Christmas

The girls (Ainsley and Jayci) - they are such the perfect age to enjoy Christmas with right now...

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

Sniffle Sniffle... Ho Ho Ho

2007-12-21T10:06:00.000-06:00

I have the sniffles, the dripping nose, the cough and the heavy head. It is so irritating becuase I don't really feel that bad but then a sneeze comes and reminds me that I don't really feel that good either. Why is it that when we were kids mom would just call the dr and it was completely understood that we would see the dr on like day one of sneezing and we would be better in just a couple of days...BUT now as a grown up it takes me a week to decide if I should go to the dr when if I would have just gone in the first place I would have saved money on over counter drugs, I would already be better, and I would have less chance to spread it around to those I love. And one final sickly complaint why does sickness always creep up around the holidays?

On an exciting note...Christmas is only four days away...What are you doing the next few days to get ready and to celebrate? Jerod and I are having our Double Christmas Eve traditional extravaganza tonight (yes, I know it is like quadruple Christmas Eve right now, but we are working the next two nights). My brother arrives from Seattle tomorrow, Jerod will sing O Holy Night at church on Sunday (and let me tell you the boy can sing that song), then we will head to the Eastland house on Monday and then join up with the Starkey's Christmas Day night.

I pray that you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the season...it is only Christmas once a year and I think we get so wrapped up in business and getting through it that we miss the joy, the remembrances, the family, the love, so stop and ask yourself what do I need to do to slow down and take in this Christmas? What do I need to do to change my mind and/or attitude about Christmas and the people around so as to glorify God? Answer those two and just do it....don't wait...It will be another 365 days before you get to experience it again.

Merry Christmas ~

I can do this thing...

2007-12-20T10:40:00.000-06:00

For months I have thought over and over again about starting a blog, I even think I got to naming a blog once, but then nothing. But the last few days I have spent many hours ( we are really slow at work) reading the blogs of people I know and love and of people that if they knew that I read their blog everyday it would be considered borderline stalking!

But here are the things that have kept me from blogging - and I hope that laying them out here I am crucifying them before they become real...some sort of online accountability.

1) How will I ever decide what to write...honestly since yesterday afternoon I have written in my head about ten different first posts...which one would be the most exciting? which one is the most real? how can I make sure you really understand me? blah blah blah- I think too much!!!
2) Will I really keep up with it...I don't really know that part of me, so I don't know - I don't usually do things that I don't know exactly how I will execute, manage and already know the end result - so here is to learning something new about myself.
3) Will anyone really read it...I decided I don't care...if for nothing else...I think it will be a great way to keep my mind moving forward...and that is a good thing whether for me or for someone else

The thing is - I have really loved reading and watching life stories unfold online among my closest friends and their friends and then their friends too - I have been encouraged, I have laughed, I have teared up, and most of all I was over and over again reminded I am not alone with these weird dreams, ideas, fears, feelings, etc. So I want to join in with the many others out there, I am ready to share my randomness, my weirdness, and you will more than likely even get glimpse of insanity here and there...